Pet Loss

[azrael_of_old]

my beautiful 9 month old baby boy, a labrodor retriever, Mischka had to be put down. my partner was playing with his favorite toy "bo-bo" a stuffed animal dog with a squeaker in it and landed wrong. shattered his hip. we took him to st. francis animal hospital. where we discovered that mischka had brittle bones. he had been born with this condition. and would get progressivly worse the older he got. soon his bones would break at the slightest pressure or so the vet said. i wanted to get the surgery done and asked how much it would be the vet said i would have to pay $1,500.00 which i didnt not mind. but i could only get 500.00 at such short notice, i told him i would sign any contract if only he would except the 500. and i would get him the rest the next day. he told me, "thats not nearly enough of a down payment." at that point i started crying i asked him what the other options were and he said amputation wich would only be a few hundred dollars less and he still would not except 500. or payments or anything. he thought i could just fork over 1500 in the middle of the night. for the love of god this man lost sight of why he became a vet in my opinion. well the only other option was euthination. i called other vets and they all said they would not except payments. so i made the heart crushing decision to have him put to sleep. i couldnt bare him being alone and me and my partner held him in our arms. so he wouldnt be alone. i miss him so much. me and my partner since then have suffered depression and seem to be distant. Mischka's death for us was the death of our child. anymore i feel so sad, i felt so horriable that i couldnt get all the money at that moment. i could have gotten it within 15 hours but that vet wouldnt even try to help. i just miss him so much. some times i still think he is at home waiting for us to walk in the door and then i remember and the wave of sadness seems to hit me like a brick. maybe some of you will have suggestions on how to deal with this a little better. because its been a while and still it feels like yesterday. i know Mischkas in a better place, one day i'll get to play ball with him again......

[mimi111272]

I know just how you feel, it's been 3 months since my boy died. He was 16, a good old age, but that doesn't make it any easier. i still feel as if I am being crushed by grief. The first 2 weeks were the worst, I couldn't go to work, or eat or even be alone, I contemplated suicide and ended up in a hospital Emergency Room through sheer desperation.

My husband got me through it, just by being there, I couldn't bear to be in the house because it just reminded me that there was no wagging tail to greet me and no happy dog to love. He fed me, shoved me into the shower and combed my hair, I was just to devastated to do it for myself.

Now 3 months on it will still hit me out of the blue, that intense grief, but it is no longer 100% of the time. The sadness is there 100% of the time though. I loved my dog and there will never be another like him, but we had 16 years together, even though your boy was a lot younger, you did your best for him and he knew that. The thing I struggle with is missing him all the time, but worst of all is in the morining when he would wake me up and at bedtime when we went to bed, we would have a few moments to settle down and I would stroke him and arrange his bed. That's the hardest because I did that every day for 16 years and now it's gone.

I took one day at a time, and tried to deal with and think about the feelings as they came. Putting them out of your mind makes it worse, because you need to deal with them. My husband took care of me, made sure I ate and stuff like that. I still have afaintly sick feeling of dread all the time though because I know my boy is gone, that's hard to deal with. I have occasional relapses, but I am trying to look at the future.

I will have another dog, I just have to resist the temptation to rush out in a panic and get a 'replacement'. I will have to be a new relationship not a replacement. The thought of a new dog sitting in my boy's favourite spot is hard, or walking a new dog in the same places will be tough, but there are dogs out there who need a new home - badly. I know I won't be able to sit and do nothing to help them.

My dog loved me and wouldn't have liked a second dog in his home, this is a thing i have to work through in my mind, balance it against the desire for a new dog in the future. I'm still trying to figure out how to rationalise that.

But remember, one day at a time, be kind to yourself, don't listen to anyone who doesn't understand - they can't help you. And don't hide from your feelings - you loved your dog and your grief is as valid as anyon else's. It's a long hard slog but there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will always miss your boy, I know I will always miss my boy - some people said I was too close to him, but I wouldn't have given up that relationship for the world. I know it hurts so badly because I loved him so much, but It's a price I have to pay for those wonderful 16 years.

Take care

[azrael_of_old]

thank you mimi. i am sorry for your loss as well. i know how you feel. somehow your story has moved me and helped me. it is good to know i am not alone. thank you again. when you find your new little boy or girl. i am sure their life is going to be wonderful with you.

[serena07]

I m so sorry for heard about your baby boy. I know its difficult to deal with this grief. Loss of loved pet is very painful. But we can't do anything against God's power. I lost my dog last month and its really hurting me. I understand your feelings.
I pray to God for heal your grief. My condolences for you.

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